Our lives are multidimensional tapestries of hope, fear, despair and love and everything between, before and after these sensations. We are tied into realities where we rely on one another for solace and purpose, where we make sense of ourselves because of the existence of others. As we send out waves of ourselves into the world, the ripples of the waves of our actions reach beyond our imaginations. Washing up on the very shores they started from. Some may call this karma. Others may point to the fractal nature of our universe, the patterns we create create the patterns we experience. Some might call it coincidence, regardless these ripples are our lessons. They teach us how to be better human beings through selfishness, we deal with the repercussions of our actions. In many ways these ideas link back to religious stipulations, eg. do unto others as you would have done to you. In many ways these ideas are echoed throughout human history. How gut wrenching it is to be faced with one’s own inadequacies, to see the power of one’s own actions. I have felt this pain. I have seen the effect of my desire to blame others for my own shortcomings, to allay responsibility and deny any wrong doing. Even when we have tried our best, even when we have hoped for positive waves to wash up on our shores… sometimes the fact that we maybe only acted to receive positive patterns comes and bites us in the ass. Did I need someone to thank me for my actions to be valid? Why would I seek validation from outside places? Doesn’t that give the power to someone else to decide if I am good enough? How can I be good enough if I refuse to tell myself that my actions were valid? Others can think what they want, if your actions were done from a genuine place of kindness, generosity, selflessness… then allow yourself to feel validated.
Our history is littered with people who sought to gain power over others, sought to physically assert their dominance. We are the sufferers of our own pursuit of external power. Is it our sense of inadequacy that drives us to expose the weakness of others? Most of my inadequacies have stemmed from the fear of being wrong, my inability to accept that I may not have had the answer I had clung to for so long. Perhaps there is no answer after all. Perhaps the “end of our exploring” and desire to find THE ANSWER will end with us staring at our own reflection and “knowing it for the first time.” Perhaps we are the the answer we need. A daunting and confronting question that stems from all of this is: why do we seek power? While many raise points to this question such as: because we want to be in charge of our own lives, this response may miss the point of the question. Power over your own life is already your own. Regardless of the situation you find yourself in, power is something that we give to someone else. If we say that someone has power over us… then they do, by default. If we choose not to allow the thoughts or actions of others influence our own sense of self worth then do they hold power over us? This is an interesting question and can be looked at on multiple levels. There is unlikely to be a clear answer, even though people might think there is one.
To live in oneself, to accept one’s feelings, one’s experiences and to own these… is pain and it is joy and it is power. To hide from who we are, what we feel, how we “be,” the world is filled with this. We take a pill to feel better, we swallow our emotions, we blame others for our misfortunes or shortcomings. We allay responsibility for our lives. You may not agree with me. You may think the answer is different… hopefully you might realise that I haven’t provided an answer at all, hopefully you will see that my answer is a question: what is it to be oneself wholly? What if we stare into the abyss of ourselves unflinchingly? What will we see? Am I afraid of myself?